Recognizing the differences between enabling and helping allows us to offer genuine support that promotes growth and independence. By focusing on these key factors—intentions, outcomes, boundaries, dependence vs independence, and motivation—we can ensure our actions are truly beneficial and empowering for those we aim to assist. Understanding the differences between enabling and helping is important for building healthier relationships. Knowing these differences can prevent unintentional harm and promote genuine support. By maintaining boundaries, individuals can create an environment that promotes personal growth, accountability, and the opportunity for positive change. It is important to remember that boundaries are not meant to be punitive, but rather serve as a protective measure for both parties involved.
Bringing meals to your friend who is ill or who just had a baby is helping them. Driving a friend to the airport or giving them a ride to work when their car is in the shop is helping them out. Letting an adult (even if it’s your grown child) live in your spare bedroom without contributing to the household in any way is enabling.
In other words, only 10 percent of those who needed help that year received it. Phrases like “he’s going through a phase” or “She doesn’t mean to act that way” are common. If you are fighting someone else’s battles or making excuses so they don’t have to face the consequences of their behavior, you are enabling. Check my blog post on Codependency to read more about family members/parents in a relationship with a loved one in active addiction.
- However, love involves inspiring the other person to be the best they can be instead of shielding them from the consequences of poor choices.
- It is very common for those who are using drugs and alcohol to react poorly any time they are confronted.
- These professionals can help individuals and their families navigate the complexities of addiction, address enabling behaviors, and develop effective coping strategies.
- You may struggle in the beginning to transition from being an enabler or caretaker.
It’s a great piece about distancing yourself from things you can’t, and maybe shouldn’t, control. People will start taking you for granted if you let them slide all the time. Instead of ending this toxic and emotionally abusive relationship, you put up with him. You’re absolving him from his responsibility to take accountability for his actions. If you can work and earn money to take care of yourself, why would you allow someone else to enjoy the fruits of your labor for free? I’ve seen a blind family member go to college and work teaching children who are visually impaired.
- It centres on empowering them to tackle their issues head-on, rather than protecting them from the outcomes of their actions.
- On the surface, that may seem like a stupid question, “I’m doing it for them, of course!
- When it comes to walking the line between helping and enabling, easy solutions rarely present themselves.
- It can be difficult to recognize and accept that our actions may be enabling harmful behaviors in our loved ones.
- Supportive behaviors empower a person to make choices toward their recovery.
- If you recognize any of the patterns above, it’s time to stop the enabling behavior gently.
Enabling behaviors can encourage unhelpful habits and behaviors, even if it’s unknowingly. Helping becomes enabling when it prevents someone from facing the consequences of their actions, ultimately leading to a worsening of the problem. It’s important to strike a balance between providing support and allowing natural consequences to take place. When Shania realized she was enabling Louis rather than supporting him, she took a different tack.
It can perpetuate a cycle of dependence and hinder individuals from developing the necessary skills to overcome challenges 2. Often, soliciting professional help is instrumental in addressing codependent relationship and enabling behaviors. Therapists can help individuals identify enabling behaviors and learn methods to support loved ones constructively. Cognitive behavioral therapy and engagement in support groups such as Co-Dependents Anonymous or Al-Anon provide specialized approaches to tackle and surmount codependent and enabling behaviors. While you can never control someone else’s behaviors, there are ways to help a loved one with addiction.
Alcoholism and alcohol abuse are serious problems among the senior population. There’s a fine line between supporting and enabling, but understanding the difference can ensure you truly help those you care about. The more I enabled them, the angrier I became, although I was the one tolerating poor treatment. I had to draw the line and stop giving what seemed like infinite chances. When you’re not sure if you’re doing the best thing or what to do next, try coming back to the concept of boundaries.
Enabling behaviors can remove the desire to seek treatment.
Enabling relationships often exhibit traits such as overprotection, making excuses for negative behavior, and preventing natural consequences. The consequences of enabling can include hindering personal growth, fostering dependence, and letting unhealthy patterns continue. Supporting someone is an act of kindness done to show love and offer care, whereas enabling involves overdoing support in a way that causes harm to the person offering or receiving it 2. Supporting behaviors aim to empower individuals to be independent, confident, and accountable for their actions.
Trying to solve the person’s problems
It can be a minefield to try and help them yourself, so you should do your utmost to lead them toward professional help or a rehab treatment center. You can talk to a therapist if you think your actions enable a loved one. These are some of the ways a person enables negative behavior.
How to Help a Loved One with Addiction: 7 Tips that Promote Recovery
When establishing boundaries, it is important to be honest without being judgmental. Clearly communicate your expectations, limitations, and consequences while maintaining empathy and understanding. By doing so, you create a framework that encourages personal responsibility and growth while avoiding the pitfalls of enabling behaviors. Furthermore, enabling can take a toll on the mental and emotional well-being of the person providing support. It may lead to feelings of resentment, frustration, and burnout. Additionally, enabling can strain relationships and create a dynamic where unhealthy behaviors become the norm.
Enabling tends to perpetuate negative behaviors or situations, while genuine assistance aims to empower individuals and foster positive growth. Caring for someone with a mental health or drug problem is difficult. Yet, knowing the difference between helping vs enabling can be instrumental in ensuring your loved one is empowered to solve their problems and fix their negative behavior. Get in touch with us today to learn more about dealing with mental health and addiction. Meanwhile, empowering gives a loved one the tools or the confidence to solve the problem themselves. Solving problems for them often makes their situation worse because an enabled person will be less motivated to fix their negative patterns if they keep receiving help that reduces their need to change.
If she continues to enjoy her cigarettes and is supervised while smoking, this is one instance where enabling is okay in my book. On the other end of the spectrum, when it comes to illegal amounts of pain killers and other drugs, you cannot help them continue that kind of addiction. Seek medical help right away for withdrawal and try not to judge.
Life
Lying, making excuses, or covering up your loved one’s addiction may feel like the right thing to do, but doing so prevents them from facing the reality of their situation. Addiction comes with consequences such as legal problems, financial trouble, job loss, and severed relationships. Your loved one will never understand this if you continue to make excuses for them. It helping versus enabling is also essential to educate yourself on addiction and the proper ways to support your loved one. Consider reaching out to a local treatment facility or going to support groups for loved ones of individuals struggling with addiction to learn the difference between enabling and helping.
Simply put, enabling someone masks their problem while helping someone shines light on the problem and encourages corrective action. The road to recovery is difficult and long (with many detours). Beating addiction requires a lot of help, and a qualified addiction specialist at United Recovery Project can point you in the right direction.
You make excuses for someone else
One evening, I told my husband I wouldn’t be cooking until he did the dishes. It was his turn and I had no intention of enabling him to shirk his responsibility. He protested for a few minutes but eventually followed through. You’re participating in his irresponsible habits when you willingly tell untruths to protect him from the consequences. Problem-solving is a great life skill to have and can be taught to a child or an adult.